{"title":"Home page","description":"\u003cp\u003eASSHOLE CREW LLC – HARD-NOSED DISCLAIMER\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003e© Asshole Crew LLC. All rights reserved.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cbr\u003eThe characters, stories, artwork, designs, logos, merchandise concepts, and creative works associated with Captain Asshole \u0026amp; the Asshole Crew are original works owned and controlled by Asshole Crew LLC.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAny resemblance to real persons, towboats, companies, river pilots, deckhands, cooks, engineers, or management—living, dead, employed, retired, or currently hiding in the galley—is purely coincidental… or they probably had it coming.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis material is intended for entertainment, satire, and storytelling inspired by life on the river. The opinions, jokes, sarcasm, and general attitude expressed within this brand reflect the rough humor and culture often found around towboats and deck lockers. They are not official statements, training instructions, safety guidance, or professional maritime advice.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you choose to take anything here as professional guidance, that decision is entirely on you—and Asshole Crew LLC assumes absolutely zero responsibility for the results.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eUnauthorized reproduction, copying, distribution, or resale of Asshole Crew LLC artwork, merchandise designs, characters, digital files, or stories without permission is prohibited.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf you found this offensive, upsetting, or too rough around the edges, you may be happier watching something else. Or call your mom to bring you a better attitude \u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003eIf you didn’t like it…\u003cbr\u003eGet to work, asshole.\u003c!--\/data\/user\/0\/com.samsung.android.app.notes\/files\/clipdata\/clipdata_bodytext_260526_102319_754.sdocx--\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","products":[{"product_id":"shirt","title":"See you on the 2","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eYou don't clock in. You show up.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis ain't for the soft ones. The \"Get To Work, Asshole\" tee is built for the ones who grind before the sun comes up and don't stop till the job's done. No excuses. No hand-holding. Just work.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eRepping the river, the hustle, and the crew that keeps the world moving while everyone else is still hitting snooze. If you know, you know.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWear it proud. Wear it loud. Get to work.\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Asshole Crew LLC ","offers":[{"title":"Yellow \/ M \/ Short","offer_id":53325564543289,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-M-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ L \/ Short","offer_id":53325805224249,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-L-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325805257017,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ 2XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325805289785,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-2XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ M \/ Long","offer_id":53325806534969,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-M-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ L \/ Long","offer_id":53325806567737,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-L-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325806600505,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Yellow \/ 2XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325806633273,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-YEL-2XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ M \/ Short","offer_id":53325808337209,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-M-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ M \/ Long","offer_id":53325808369977,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-M-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ L \/ Short","offer_id":53325808402745,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-L-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ L \/ Long","offer_id":53325808435513,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-L-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325808468281,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325808501049,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ 2XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325808533817,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-2XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Orange \/ 2XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325808566585,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-ORG-2XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ M \/ Short","offer_id":53325808599353,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-M-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ M \/ Long","offer_id":53325808632121,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-M-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ L \/ Short","offer_id":53325808664889,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-L-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ L \/ Long","offer_id":53325808697657,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-L-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325808730425,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325808763193,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ 2XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325808795961,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-2XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Green \/ 2XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325808828729,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-GRN-2XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ M \/ Short","offer_id":53325809877305,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-M-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ M \/ Long","offer_id":53325809910073,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-M-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ L \/ Short","offer_id":53325809942841,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-L-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ L \/ Long","offer_id":53325809975609,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-L-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325810008377,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325810041145,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325810073913,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-2XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"Red \/ 2XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325810106681,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-RED-2XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ M \/ Short","offer_id":53325810139449,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-M-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ M \/ Long","offer_id":53325810172217,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-M-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ L \/ Short","offer_id":53325810204985,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-L-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ L \/ Long","offer_id":53325810237753,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-L-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325810270521,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325810303289,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 2XL \/ Short","offer_id":53325810336057,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-2XL-S","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false},{"title":"White \/ 2XL \/ Long","offer_id":53325810368825,"sku":"SHIRT-AC-WHT-2XL-L","price":35.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0997\/5434\/4761\/files\/rn-image_picker_lib_temp_b94862e1-a808-4220-aabf-01dff2bda167.png?v=1779803704"}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0997\/5434\/4761\/collections\/rn-image_picker_lib_temp_d0b76d8f-50cb-436a-ae74-45e84d081ae2.png?v=1779725724","url":"https:\/\/assholecrewllc.myshopify.com\/collections\/frontpage.oembed","provider":"Asshole Crew Merch","version":"1.0","type":"link"}